The Unchewable Blog

Reviews and Reflections to chew on

Providence

Every time I see God’s providence through our prayers, it’s so emotional. Every night Andrew and I pray over Hezekiah in bed. We ask for God to help him communicate, talk, and understand more. I used to think that “I” was the one doing all of these things for my children. This year I have realized “I” have nothing to do with anything good that happens in this life. It is truly only that God has chosen to use me. I used to pray over Hezekiah and think to myself, why does God not hear me? All along, God was asking me to draw nearer to Him and have complete trust in Him. When I decided to trust in God more completely that is when he started moving more. I pray to God now and I see Him moving according to His will. Hezekiah has made significant strides with his progress! He talks more and understands more and it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God.

Should they stay or should they go

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Every parent asks the question but it is always in the forefront of a parent with a special needs child. How do you decide when to take your kiddo that may brake dance, scream or interact with people. Every kid is different so no one can tell you, it’s a decision you have to make on your own and it’s not always easy. Where I currently stand is you have to try and take your kid\s with some regularity so they get use to it but not so much that you feel overwhelmed. Here is a quick list that I run through though.

1. Will your child enjoy it if you don’t know give it a shot
2. Do you have things to distract your child
3. Do you and your spouse need some time away?
4. Could you make this a learning experience. Remember sometimes you may not know how much your child is retaining.
5. Can you keep your cool in a melt down. I really encourage you to flex your “chill” muscle because if u can stay calm your child will almost always get something out of it but be honest with yourself it won’t be good for either of you if you both loose it. The more you use that “chill” muscle the more you can handle the more your child will have the opportunity to grow.

Hope this helps someone.

Monsters talk

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It’s never fun climbing those hills in our lives but it’s always worth it.

“Monsters Talk” by John Mark McMillan
“There can be 2 sides to the reality that we live in. The first reality is that life is hard, brutal, sometimes outright terrible, but the other reality is that life is beautiful, full of wonder, and hope. But both these realities are true. The question I had to ask myself was, which reality am I going to make friends with. Not denying either one or pretending that one didn’t exist, but which reality was I going to talk to, which reality was I going to listen to.”

A case of the Mondays

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Remember if you are having a bad day to multiply your age X 365 and know only one of those is today.

Do what you can and know the leaves will fall as they may.

Selfie=self centered society

I’ll be the first to admit I have done my fair share of selfies. So as I wrote this I am writing about my own conviction. I am by no stretch of the imagination perfect, I have my own demons and sins to fight every day. So I ask the question- why do you post selfies?

As a mom and wife, I have asked myself this question many times. Turning inward and towards Him to answer this question for me. Not that I blame society for why I took selfies but it sure hasn’t helped. And if my attention is directed towards God and leading an example for my kids then I have no reason to post selfies. This generation should be labeled “Generation Selfie”. We can’t blame society for not teaching our kids to have self respect for themselves and we can’t blame society for not teaching them to have respect for another person’s life. We see shootings, selfies, and sickness. How are we teaching our kids the coping skills to deal with a non-perfect life? I never learned those coping skills coming from a broken home and so as an adult I have had to learn these skills and it’s been a hard road.

See the thing is… we will never be rid of insecurities, sometimes they just change, evolve, or become less. The only thing we do is be self aware and not let those insecurities hurt those around you that you care about and love. We think to the fall of man, and you think… Darn you Eve! See we could have been in the garden enjoying the freedom of a sinless life. But it wasn’t the plan for man, and so sometimes we have a very painful life. One that includes so much hurt. If I didn’t have faith or belief in a God that turns the ugliest parts of me and wants to make them beautiful, I would be a disaster. I have hurt people that I care about and I wish I could undo it, but that isn’t the plan. The plan is for me to take those experiences and turn them around for His use.

Anyway, as a result of my own conviction. My husband and I have decided to disconnect from the world of social media as much as we can. I deleted my Instagram and Twitter accounts. I kept my Facebook to connect with family from other states and the friends that I still interact with in person and every one else has been removed. I hope people are not offended by that but to say that I have “Facebook friends” only is a ridiculous concept so I removed it from my vocabulary. It’s a false feeling to think I have 350+ friends when only 80 of those ACTUALLY care about me and my family. So if you get a text or an actual call from me it’s because I actually want to be friends with you in person not just on social media. I love all my family and dear friends who have stuck with me through all life’s ups and downs, I cherish you!
{{Kendra}}

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A day ending and night coming

Sounds of his little mouth opening and exhaling the sounds of a long and exhausting day otherwise known as the yawn. Snuggled with his tiny little body next to mine as I lay in his bed with the room so dark. As he quietly slips into a sleep, the sounds of his breath changing and chest moving slower and slower and deeper and deeper. I hear the sounds of his air coming and going and his little voice say “nigh-nigh time mommy?” and I whisper softly back “It is nigh-nigh time baby, I love you.” and I hear “I lub you.”

The beautiful voice of my 3 year old repeating a prayer, “Thank you Jesus for today, thank you for my daddy, thank you for my mommy, and thank you for brother, Thank you Jesus. Aaaaaamen”

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Awareness of Uniqueness

{{April: Autism Awareness month}}

When difficulties arise in life we have a couple of choices in how we deal
with them. We can roll over and let it overtake us, or we can stand up and show the world what we’re made of. I am the mother of 2 boys, one being a 6 year old blonde haired and blue eyed autistic boy, I don’t have a choice but to fight for him. He doesn’t have a lot of words to always tell us what he needs or wants, sometimes it means he just screams. He needs us to be strong and he needs us to be innovative and engaging so that we can help him. This month we not only bringing awareness to Autism and it’s challenges but also it’s beauty. There is so much beauty in this child’s life.

God has created this little boy’s mind so unique. I often just look into Hezekiah’s eyes and wonder “What is going on inside that head of yours!” I seriously want to know what goes through his head so I can understand him better. His contagious smile and laugh make me so glad to be his parent. Makes all the hard moments with all my tears and frustrations worth it. I don’t hold onto expectations or dreams, having a child like this has taught me how to live in the present and not worry about the future.

We live in a world that values money, success, and outer beauty. I want my kids to value God, relationships, love, selflessness, and compassion. Knowing this makes me hold myself accountable to living these values in my day to day. I cannot teach my children these values and not live them out myself.

Being an ex-owner of a photography business allows me to pick up my camera and capture these beautiful and priceless photos of Hezekiah.

{{Kendra}}

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A child’s mind

Few endeavors are as worthy of your efforts as unlocking your child’s mind, that is where the future lies.

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Say no to Negativity

 

taken in the front yard with a nikon d90

taken in the front yard with a nikon d90

Andrew

We have people reach out to us quite often and ask us questions about our son being autistic so I figured we would post some blogs that might be of some help to another couple. Many people define themselves by their accomplishments so why is it that when your child is diagnosed on the spectrum everyone defines them by their deficits. Now we have to make the separation on what will best help our child and how to view that process. In order to help our child we had to know where his deficits were and make goals in closing those gaps but if we see our child as a list of broken things to fix, we will find yourself overwhelmed and miss who our child really is. There are so many amazing things about our son that we had to remind ourselves with every IEP meeting comes progress and not get wrapped up into how far behind normal kids he is.

Kendra

In the beginning of the diagnosis, we grieved for a couple of years. When you are pregnant with a baby in your mind you have all expectations of what this baby’s personality will be like and what they will become someday. As the child grows and you receive an Autism diagnosis, you begin to realize that you have to throw all expectations out the window and grieve for the child you dreamed and hoped for and say good-bye to that expectation. If you don’t do this, you start to feel the disappointment in the child you do have. How can anyone be disappointed in such a beautiful creation that God gave you? Most professionals tell you that a diagnosis of this kind is harder on the parent(s) than the child, this is true! Our son, Hezekiah, lives a very happy life I assume not knowing that he is any different than any other child. When he smiles, you know what true innocence looks like. His smile lights up the room! What do you take away? To seek out the beauty of this amazing child God has entrusted us with. The beauty of having a child so unique, is as simple as that… he’s not like everyone else. Hallelujah! As Dr Seuss says “Why fit in, when you can stand out.” So our job at this point is to find his strengths and encourage those, and to find those weaknesses and figure out how to conquer them. Take joy in the small accomplishments, and enjoy his beautiful blue eyes and contagious smile.

Hezzy reaching for the sun

Hezzy reaching for the sun

I think every father feels like it is hard to reach out and connect with their son. When your son has autism it feels like it is much farther to reach. I figured if I should start writing again it would need to be for a good reason. This is my first step stay tuned.

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